Saturday, February 11, 2006
Thanks, Luisa
You know those times when you have the evil little version of yourself on the right shoulder (dressed in red, looking somehow way hotter than the other one?) and the nice little plastic saint in white on the left?
I've been getting a lot of those two lately, and you're never going to believe for what.
See, there's this person that I've been reconsidering a LOT. I mean, we're friends and all, but he has a pretty bad rep worked up for himself and has done some pretty bad things to people. However, talking to him, I realize that he's really a nice guy. And he really has something buried inside himself that seems sad and bitter, and full of self hatred. Like the hard jackass of an exterior that he has.......is just a cover up.
Now, recently, I've been wondering what the hell I'm doing. I wondered for awhile if I was actually doing the right thing, hanging out with someone with that kind of reputation. And for awhile, I told myself that it was because I didn't want him to rub off on me.
But at the end of the day, I HAD to admit the real reason why.
I didn't want people thinking badly of ME. I didn't want anybody going, "Oh, why's SHE hanging out with someone like that?! Maybe she's not all we thought she was."
Hypocritical, I know. YES, I KNOW, STOP JUDGING ME, because you all know you've done it too. You KNOW you've deliberately ignored someone because they were less popular than you. You KNOW you've been mean to someone just because someone else told you to. You KNOW that you sometimes shunned someone just because everyone else was.
Then I remembered something.
About six years ago, my sister was talking about a girl she knew, called Luisa. The only thing, and one of my most vivid memories, is her saying "Yeah, and she's popular but nice to people who aren't."
I think that was one of the most groundbreaking, defining moments of my life. That was the moment I decided to become like that. The moment I decided to stop listening to what everyone else told me but think for myself.
Everyone else says "He's not worth it and he'll bring you and your reputation down."
I say, "Hell. I like him. And he IS worth keeping as a friend, simply because talking to him makes ME happy."
I am NOT going to become the stereotype. I am NOT going to be like the villainous cow in teenage pop culture who goes around shunning the little people. I've been there before, I've BEEN at a stage where no one wanted to be MY friend. That is exactly what I needed to be reminded of. (Thanks, Chooster).
I am going to do what makes ME happy, because I have to go home and look into the mirror. So thank you very much for your opinions.
And thanks, Luisa.
Queen Sana at 1:02 AM
