Saturday, September 30, 2006
Ignorance = Innocence?
When I was young:
A rainbow was the most magical, beautiful thing in the world.
A flower that told me a boy did indeed, love me, held authority absolute.
The sun in the sky was, in fact, me, or at least according to my parents. Stars, somehow, were also me, because my parents said I was their shining star.
Perfume smelled pretty because mommy wore it.
It rained because the angels were crying....I'd done something bad.....
Clouds are fluffy and look like cotton candy, and you can sit on them and they'll float you up to heaven if you're good.
Now, I know that:
A rainbow is, in fact, the splitting of light into its component 7 colours due to the difference in wavelengths of each colour of the V Light spectrum.
A flower's verdict on love, using principles of general progression and pairs, can be predicted: Pick a flower with an odd number of petals and start with "He Loves Me", or an even number and start with "He Loves Me Not".
The sun shines because of the proton-proton chain reactions that occur in their cores, resulting in the burning of hydrogen into helium nuclei, i.e. nuclear fusion. This results in an enormous amount of radiant energy being released.
Perfume smells pretty because of the covalent molecules that make it up, that are extremely volatile and have a low melting point, resulting in their vapourization and diffusion.
Rain occurs because water evaporates from bodies of water and condenses in the atmosphere to form clouds...
Which, by the way, are not dense enough to sit on because they are merely droplets of water. Even if it WERE possible to sit on one, the extremely low air pressure would make it near impossible to breathe.
Does anyone ELSE miss being a kid?
A rainbow was the most magical, beautiful thing in the world.
A flower that told me a boy did indeed, love me, held authority absolute.
The sun in the sky was, in fact, me, or at least according to my parents. Stars, somehow, were also me, because my parents said I was their shining star.
Perfume smelled pretty because mommy wore it.
It rained because the angels were crying....I'd done something bad.....
Clouds are fluffy and look like cotton candy, and you can sit on them and they'll float you up to heaven if you're good.
Now, I know that:
A rainbow is, in fact, the splitting of light into its component 7 colours due to the difference in wavelengths of each colour of the V Light spectrum.
A flower's verdict on love, using principles of general progression and pairs, can be predicted: Pick a flower with an odd number of petals and start with "He Loves Me", or an even number and start with "He Loves Me Not".
The sun shines because of the proton-proton chain reactions that occur in their cores, resulting in the burning of hydrogen into helium nuclei, i.e. nuclear fusion. This results in an enormous amount of radiant energy being released.
Perfume smells pretty because of the covalent molecules that make it up, that are extremely volatile and have a low melting point, resulting in their vapourization and diffusion.
Rain occurs because water evaporates from bodies of water and condenses in the atmosphere to form clouds...
Which, by the way, are not dense enough to sit on because they are merely droplets of water. Even if it WERE possible to sit on one, the extremely low air pressure would make it near impossible to breathe.
Does anyone ELSE miss being a kid?
Monday, September 25, 2006
26 Years And Counting.....
You try to take control in situations where there was, in fact, NO control issue,
BUT
I know that at times, my passive aggression hurts.
You constantly make me feel guilty for past actions of other people,
BUT
I know you're just trying to make sure that I don't hurt myself.
You have such little faith in my sense of judgement,
BUT
I know your jobs require you to see people my age who ALWAYS made the wrong decision.
You let ONE PERSON'S actions influence how you view me, despite 5 years of my proving otherwise,
BUT
I know you would blame ONLY yourselves if I screwed up.
You seem to have a pathological need to find faults,
BUT
I know that at the end of the day, you think you're just doing your jobs.
You honestly have no clue how good you have it,
BUT
I know that you DO deserve good children for the parents you've been.
I'm adore showing the two of you off, even if I DO whine about you all the time, because you are proof that love and duty and honour DO still exist. Ma, if I could find someone who fits me half as well as dad does you, I'll be fortunate. Da, if you are holding me up to your wife's standards and THAT'S the reason you are so very harsh, then it lessens the blow greatly.
Happy 26th Anniversary, Mom and Dad.
BUT
I know that at times, my passive aggression hurts.
You constantly make me feel guilty for past actions of other people,
BUT
I know you're just trying to make sure that I don't hurt myself.
You have such little faith in my sense of judgement,
BUT
I know your jobs require you to see people my age who ALWAYS made the wrong decision.
You let ONE PERSON'S actions influence how you view me, despite 5 years of my proving otherwise,
BUT
I know you would blame ONLY yourselves if I screwed up.
You seem to have a pathological need to find faults,
BUT
I know that at the end of the day, you think you're just doing your jobs.
You honestly have no clue how good you have it,
BUT
I know that you DO deserve good children for the parents you've been.
I'm adore showing the two of you off, even if I DO whine about you all the time, because you are proof that love and duty and honour DO still exist. Ma, if I could find someone who fits me half as well as dad does you, I'll be fortunate. Da, if you are holding me up to your wife's standards and THAT'S the reason you are so very harsh, then it lessens the blow greatly.
Happy 26th Anniversary, Mom and Dad.
Friday, September 22, 2006
I Think You Can Tell A Lot About A Person....
By looking at what they love the most in life. So here.
1) I love sitting in warm, quiet corners with thick books.
2) I love singing in the shower, purposely taking longer when I know someone's waiting for it.
3) I love walking in the rain with no umbrella and laughing when people stare at the crazy brown girl DANGLING AN UMBRELLA...but walking in the rain nonetheless.
4) I look flipping my hair at random, especially when there are cute guys around.
5) I love dark curls on BOTH guys and girls.
6) I love the feeling of understanding.
7) I love solving math problems, especially if they're complicated, and especially especially if I'm the first person to get it.
8) I love sitting on a half empty bus looking out the window.
9) I love the whole hour or so I get to myself alone at home.
10) I love peppermint chocolate.
11) I love opportunities to be passive aggressive because people can SENSE you're being smart but can't call you on it.
12) I love it when people think I'm smart, or funny, or cool, especially when these are people I've been natural around.
13) I love playing Scrabble with an intelligent opponent.
14) I love proving people wrong.
15) I love conversations that are self-propagating...the kind that require almost no effort to keep up and flow like smooth caramel. (And no, I DON'T ever stop thinking of food.)
16) I love Scrubs and understanding and stealing their jokes.
17) I love being, feeling or doing something useful.
18) I love, of course, the family, the friends, the people that make it worth it.
19) I love long-distance phone calls where you talk about nonsense for thirty five minutes, and for the next thirty five minutes, berate each other for talking nonsense, TRY to get a real conversation going, then end up talking nonsense again.
20) I love inside jokes because they make me feel superior :).
1) I love sitting in warm, quiet corners with thick books.
2) I love singing in the shower, purposely taking longer when I know someone's waiting for it.
3) I love walking in the rain with no umbrella and laughing when people stare at the crazy brown girl DANGLING AN UMBRELLA...but walking in the rain nonetheless.
4) I look flipping my hair at random, especially when there are cute guys around.
5) I love dark curls on BOTH guys and girls.
6) I love the feeling of understanding.
7) I love solving math problems, especially if they're complicated, and especially especially if I'm the first person to get it.
8) I love sitting on a half empty bus looking out the window.
9) I love the whole hour or so I get to myself alone at home.
10) I love peppermint chocolate.
11) I love opportunities to be passive aggressive because people can SENSE you're being smart but can't call you on it.
12) I love it when people think I'm smart, or funny, or cool, especially when these are people I've been natural around.
13) I love playing Scrabble with an intelligent opponent.
14) I love proving people wrong.
15) I love conversations that are self-propagating...the kind that require almost no effort to keep up and flow like smooth caramel. (And no, I DON'T ever stop thinking of food.)
16) I love Scrubs and understanding and stealing their jokes.
17) I love being, feeling or doing something useful.
18) I love, of course, the family, the friends, the people that make it worth it.
19) I love long-distance phone calls where you talk about nonsense for thirty five minutes, and for the next thirty five minutes, berate each other for talking nonsense, TRY to get a real conversation going, then end up talking nonsense again.
20) I love inside jokes because they make me feel superior :).
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Good Question.
"....tell me, what do you do, when it all falls apart?" - The Veronicas, That Bigass Song That Made Them Famous
Yeah, trust ME to couple a serious, I'm-depressed song lyric with a word like Bigass. JUXTAPOSITION, people, I learnt that in English class. (Yiaw, I'M HARDCORE!)
But in all the honesty I can muster........
What DO you do when it all falls apart?
When every fibre of the world you know starts to change? The tapestry of life is such that every thread weaves absolutely perfectly. That is, in essence, the definition of a comfort zone: Where everything is just in place, everything just....fits.
But this whole WEEK....while it hasn't been devastating or hurtful or scary in any way....is just so....WEIRD. I believe I now hold the record for "OHMYGIDDYGODSTROUSERS!" moments in the span of a week.
Yeah, trust ME to couple a serious, I'm-depressed song lyric with a word like Bigass. JUXTAPOSITION, people, I learnt that in English class. (Yiaw, I'M HARDCORE!)
But in all the honesty I can muster........
What DO you do when it all falls apart?
When every fibre of the world you know starts to change? The tapestry of life is such that every thread weaves absolutely perfectly. That is, in essence, the definition of a comfort zone: Where everything is just in place, everything just....fits.
But this whole WEEK....while it hasn't been devastating or hurtful or scary in any way....is just so....WEIRD. I believe I now hold the record for "OHMYGIDDYGODSTROUSERS!" moments in the span of a week.
This new tapestry that's forming, it's odd how everything seems to be moving into place to form a new image. I'm somehow comforted that all these threads that mean so much to me, are not actually breaking: they're just switching places. I'm just not used to the new picture I'm seeing.
To be VAGUE (if it applies to you, you'll know), someone very close is letting herself get hurt and I don't know why, another person very close has gotten herself hooked up (which is extremely odd: she doesn't TALK to guys period), someone else has finally grown a spine and uttered the most unexpected thing, two people have found each other, finally, I'm rediscovering my inner shrink (thank GOD)...
Oh.
And yeah, the whole Jester thing? Jig is up. Finally found out where his "emotionally weird" place was...and totally unexpectedly too.
Long and short of it is, I have to move on, and I'm absolutely fine about it, which may be the ONLY thing that's normal about this week:
My strange, at times disturbing ability to clinically separate my mechanical self from my emotional self. I mean, this is totally me, isn't it? Think logically, think calculatively, come up with quantitative solutions and logical explanations. What's interesting, but a bit sad, is that I can learn something with the potential to hurt me badly...
And then sit down and do a Physics paper.
What's SADDER, is that I'm actually very happy being that way, and quite proud of myself for being able to do that. Ruddy useful skill, it is, too. Does anyone else do this? Completely and totally detach yourself from what's going on inside your head because you have a duty to someone else? Or even yourself?
I refuse to pity myself and screw up my exams on account of something I knew wasn't ever going to happen anyway. Jester isn't worth my self pride.
I NEED you guys to comment on this. Anyone with a weirder week than mine gets the first, and SPECIALEST, prize of having me bitch, whine, and possibly break down to them after the full weight of what happened yesterday (The Jester thing, fools! :) I start getting abusive when I'm confused :P), hits me.
And only if you're close will you understand just how rare that is.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Dear You,
I flaffed church today because I had this weird backache, listening to all the CRAP you loaded my computer with. Some of it's pretty good but I will NEVER understand how you could POSSIBLY enjoy Ryan Cabrera. Oh, it's not just that he looks like a weasel or anything....OK, maybe just that then.
So I went back and read our Achi blog. It is the ONLY, SINGLE solitary piece of writing that EVERY DAMN TIME I look at it, no matter how many times I've read it, still makes me cry for some unknown reason. Make no mistake, I DO on rare occasion cry when reading something, watching something. But eventually, I get over it. That damn post flows so eerily beautifully I wish I could just forget the damned URL. I realize what that reason is: I'm crying as much for you as for Achi.
Shama and I never had that connection with her that you have, you know....so what I feel everytime I read it....isn't quite me feeling sad at her not being here, and the fact that she's getting older, and possibly locking doors and forgetting the keys, and being unhappy when she has to put in that damned hearing aid, because these do make me sad but that's not the first thing I think of reading that post....
But it's the fact that I feel SOMETHING powerful inside, like some unknown wellspring from which these foreign teardrops come from.
You know what that wellspring is?
It's you. Remember I told you once that I knew you had cried writing it because I cried reading it? It's the same thing here....I don't quite understand WHAT I feel when I read it, but I weep on in the knowledge, firm and quiet, that you do.
I miss her too, Chooster....I will forever be filled with self disgust and sheer regret at not going for walks with her in Brunei when she asked me to because I was on the bloody computer. Every time I talk to her she sounds so excited and I swear on everything that I possess inclusive of my soul....
That should she come back and ask for me to walk with her at 12.00 midnight in nothing but my jammies in the freezing weather, I'll go happily and even ask for another round.
I'm terrified I haven't given her enough of a reason to want to come back to me, and in my head is this horrible thought, completely irrational but there, that this whole Mena thing is a complete farce and she's not coming back....
Because she really doesn't want to.
Is Mena really looking to get married, Chooster? Do we even HAVE a cousin called Mena?
I miss her so much. I'm a selfish b*tch and I WANT THOSE YEARS. I WANT THAT TIME. They're NOT taking that time away from me!! They're NOT!
I want to come to Dublin but the MemmyDaddy are making it difficult. The female half is pulling her Psych crap and the male half is blundering along in usual *yell at EVERYTHING and maybe you'll hit someone who deserves it* fashion. Both are making their attempts at passive aggression without QUITE knowing who the queen of passive aggression is.
Muchos Amo, Tofatosexymato :)
Note: To EVERYONE else, no, I'm not crazy and yes, I WILL be OK. There really are only two people who'll understand this completely because they share the same connection with me.
I love ALL the rest of you, and if you wouldn't mind, kindly ERASE this blog from your mind lest you think I'm a whackjob. That IS in fact true, but at least this way, I don't come off as a DEPRESSED whackjob, for they are all the more scary!
Back in awhile with more of my usual stuff :)
So I went back and read our Achi blog. It is the ONLY, SINGLE solitary piece of writing that EVERY DAMN TIME I look at it, no matter how many times I've read it, still makes me cry for some unknown reason. Make no mistake, I DO on rare occasion cry when reading something, watching something. But eventually, I get over it. That damn post flows so eerily beautifully I wish I could just forget the damned URL. I realize what that reason is: I'm crying as much for you as for Achi.
Shama and I never had that connection with her that you have, you know....so what I feel everytime I read it....isn't quite me feeling sad at her not being here, and the fact that she's getting older, and possibly locking doors and forgetting the keys, and being unhappy when she has to put in that damned hearing aid, because these do make me sad but that's not the first thing I think of reading that post....
But it's the fact that I feel SOMETHING powerful inside, like some unknown wellspring from which these foreign teardrops come from.
You know what that wellspring is?
It's you. Remember I told you once that I knew you had cried writing it because I cried reading it? It's the same thing here....I don't quite understand WHAT I feel when I read it, but I weep on in the knowledge, firm and quiet, that you do.
I miss her too, Chooster....I will forever be filled with self disgust and sheer regret at not going for walks with her in Brunei when she asked me to because I was on the bloody computer. Every time I talk to her she sounds so excited and I swear on everything that I possess inclusive of my soul....
That should she come back and ask for me to walk with her at 12.00 midnight in nothing but my jammies in the freezing weather, I'll go happily and even ask for another round.
I'm terrified I haven't given her enough of a reason to want to come back to me, and in my head is this horrible thought, completely irrational but there, that this whole Mena thing is a complete farce and she's not coming back....
Because she really doesn't want to.
Is Mena really looking to get married, Chooster? Do we even HAVE a cousin called Mena?
I miss her so much. I'm a selfish b*tch and I WANT THOSE YEARS. I WANT THAT TIME. They're NOT taking that time away from me!! They're NOT!
I want to come to Dublin but the MemmyDaddy are making it difficult. The female half is pulling her Psych crap and the male half is blundering along in usual *yell at EVERYTHING and maybe you'll hit someone who deserves it* fashion. Both are making their attempts at passive aggression without QUITE knowing who the queen of passive aggression is.
Muchos Amo, Tofatosexymato :)
Note: To EVERYONE else, no, I'm not crazy and yes, I WILL be OK. There really are only two people who'll understand this completely because they share the same connection with me.
I love ALL the rest of you, and if you wouldn't mind, kindly ERASE this blog from your mind lest you think I'm a whackjob. That IS in fact true, but at least this way, I don't come off as a DEPRESSED whackjob, for they are all the more scary!
Back in awhile with more of my usual stuff :)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Hi, My Name Is Sana........
And I've just had, without a doubt, one of the weirdest days of my life.
I've won the battle, finally. I am exhilarated. This means I get to keep my pretty long nails that took four months to grow, shape and become healthy.
I've discovered more than I ever wanted to know about a friend. I am scared. This means that we are both changing so much because I'm not sure if it DID actually bring us closer.
I've discovered something new about an old crush (one of the bigger ones), and for some reason, I'm not happy about what happened. I am thrilled. This means I have moved on.
I've read one of the most beautiful entries I've read in a long time. I am grateful. This means I am loved, and Lyn, I love you so much, and I haven't cried like that in a while.
It was supposed to be just an ordinary, boring Thursday, wasn't it?
I guess there really IS no such thing.
I will definitely blog longer, more coherent entries after Physics Asst. Task and exams are over :)
I love you guys so much......why am I feeling so vulnerable? Shedding my old personality, perhaps?
I hope not.
I rather LIKE Fatheaded, Confident Smartass Too-Dayme-Smackfly-For-Any-Man Girl.
Let's hope she's still there!
I've won the battle, finally. I am exhilarated. This means I get to keep my pretty long nails that took four months to grow, shape and become healthy.
I've discovered more than I ever wanted to know about a friend. I am scared. This means that we are both changing so much because I'm not sure if it DID actually bring us closer.
I've discovered something new about an old crush (one of the bigger ones), and for some reason, I'm not happy about what happened. I am thrilled. This means I have moved on.
I've read one of the most beautiful entries I've read in a long time. I am grateful. This means I am loved, and Lyn, I love you so much, and I haven't cried like that in a while.
It was supposed to be just an ordinary, boring Thursday, wasn't it?
I guess there really IS no such thing.
I will definitely blog longer, more coherent entries after Physics Asst. Task and exams are over :)
I love you guys so much......why am I feeling so vulnerable? Shedding my old personality, perhaps?
I hope not.
I rather LIKE Fatheaded, Confident Smartass Too-Dayme-Smackfly-For-Any-Man Girl.
Let's hope she's still there!