Tuesday, February 21, 2006
What Really Matters
I've learnt a surprising LOT in the past week. Given the situations, I'm pretty proud of me, actually :) But here's what I learned. And yes, I expect you to care. And no, I didn't just mutter "skew you" under my breath. Shut up and read.
Friendship vs. Glory
At the end of the day, people ARE gonna walk over you. Remember that you HAVE to be a doormat once in a while. The secret to be a happy individual, in my opinion, is learning who to let walk over you.
Recently, I posted, in GREAT angst, about how a friend was being pretty damn insensitive and taking some stuff for granted.
Then I took a step back and realized how much I love this girl and how I've known her for half my life. I'm not throwing away 7 years of such solid friendship for my name in lights. Brunei's not the end of the road for me, man, I'm going to have an opportunity to shine SOMETIME. But god smile upon me should I stumble across a friend as devoted and wonderful as her.
Face Value or Depth
This chick I know....she pisses me off. As in, REALLY irritates the hell outta me. Whenever I see her, its the whole feeling that you just want to kind of quietly step away. And its not just me, most people who've also met her feel the exact same way.
But then I remembered how people probably used to feel that way about ME once upon a time, and how much it hurt. Sure, you can go all self righteous and shite and go, "OH, but she'll learn to be less annoying". Don't kid yourself. You KNOW that when you learn something the hard way, there's a bitter taste left in your mouth. A horrible, nasty feeling that dulls with time but doesn't actually QUITE go away.
I also realized that this girl is really very sweet and tries way too hard. I remember, also, what it was like to be so insecure I'd have set myself on fire if I thought it'd make you laugh or make you like me more. I remember acting in much the same way until people reached out (thanks guys, you've done more for me than I'll ever be able to articulate) and informed me that being me was just fine.
Doing The Right Thing vs. Doing What Everyone Else Is Doing
Oh hell, I'll admit it. I kinda got half skewed here and tried to do it both ways. The right thing is so often uncomfortable, not always the easiest thing to do, and often, will cost you face, popularity or a laugh from....well, that special someone, lets just say.
But the fact is, and I KNOW I've said this a BILLION times........looking at yourself in the mirror is so much easier when you see yourself as a clear-cut figure in the crowd, and not just a big huddle of people all thinking the same damn thing.
Its like a huge group of people all dressed in black. You can either dress in black too, to fit in, but then you lose sight of who YOU really are. You can also dress in bright pink, green, orange or blue.....it's different, sure, and you'll immediately feel awkward. But you'll be able to identify YOUR OWN SELF. And at the end of the day, no one's fun if they're all the same.
If you try to do it both ways, you'll end up confusing yourself, feeling AND looking like a hypocrite. I raise my hand.
But I've reformed.
Meaaahaaaaahhhaaaa, I'M BETTER THAN YOU!!
Ok. I'm done. Really, this time.
Queen Sana at 1:34 AM
