Saturday, May 20, 2006
A Part Of Me Leaves Too
She's leaving tomorrow.
I watched her grow, didn't I? From an unnaturally pretty but nerdy and shy child in a dorky frock (the kind your mom forces you to wear to church), to the beautiful, still slightly insecure but confident young lady with laughing eyes and a radiance that's almost tangible.
How retarded is it that I feel depressed that she's leaving a place I myself just left?
It COULD be inadequacy. Because I have always been there to watch her cry and hold her when she did, as she has for me. It could be that I feel the crushing blow of watching one of my best friends take a huge step, and this time I'm not there to take it with her.
It COULD be that she's taking a part of me with her, to a foreign country that I've been to only sporadically.
It COULD be that though India is among the top in fiber optics, computers, programming and IT, that their net connections and phone connections effing suck and so picking up the phone when I need to hear her laugh is going to be harder.
Or it could just be the irrational, stupid, crazy fear that I'll never see her again.
I will, but I'm wearing a sad smile right now because I'm proud of your courage (I needed a whole army to send me off), but I know how hard it's going to be for you. So this is my tribute to you. I couldn't be there tomorrow and I'm sorry.....you watched me take the same step, and I'm so proud of you for doing this all on your own. I realize I am being effing condescending and sound like I think you can't take care of yourself.
But only you could understand that that's not my intention. I think I'm just feeling horribly useless now because we were there for each other through everything (crushes, being crushed on, exams, parental fights, insecurities), and I can't be there now. I am thrilled that this new chapter of your life is about to begin for you, and I hope that someone will be able to fill your life with as much colour, light and laughter as you filled mine with.
And when you get on that plane, think of me and remember our idiot recordings, Kacha and Pucha, the Kannum Kannum Nokia song, our dance class adventures with Parks and Divs and the quadrillion other retarded inside jokes we have.
And smile.
Because da, that smile that lights a thousand faces should never diminish.
Bon Voyage, Naz.....keep that part of me safe, OK?
I watched her grow, didn't I? From an unnaturally pretty but nerdy and shy child in a dorky frock (the kind your mom forces you to wear to church), to the beautiful, still slightly insecure but confident young lady with laughing eyes and a radiance that's almost tangible.
How retarded is it that I feel depressed that she's leaving a place I myself just left?
It COULD be inadequacy. Because I have always been there to watch her cry and hold her when she did, as she has for me. It could be that I feel the crushing blow of watching one of my best friends take a huge step, and this time I'm not there to take it with her.
It COULD be that she's taking a part of me with her, to a foreign country that I've been to only sporadically.
It COULD be that though India is among the top in fiber optics, computers, programming and IT, that their net connections and phone connections effing suck and so picking up the phone when I need to hear her laugh is going to be harder.
Or it could just be the irrational, stupid, crazy fear that I'll never see her again.
I will, but I'm wearing a sad smile right now because I'm proud of your courage (I needed a whole army to send me off), but I know how hard it's going to be for you. So this is my tribute to you. I couldn't be there tomorrow and I'm sorry.....you watched me take the same step, and I'm so proud of you for doing this all on your own. I realize I am being effing condescending and sound like I think you can't take care of yourself.
But only you could understand that that's not my intention. I think I'm just feeling horribly useless now because we were there for each other through everything (crushes, being crushed on, exams, parental fights, insecurities), and I can't be there now. I am thrilled that this new chapter of your life is about to begin for you, and I hope that someone will be able to fill your life with as much colour, light and laughter as you filled mine with.
And when you get on that plane, think of me and remember our idiot recordings, Kacha and Pucha, the Kannum Kannum Nokia song, our dance class adventures with Parks and Divs and the quadrillion other retarded inside jokes we have.
And smile.
Because da, that smile that lights a thousand faces should never diminish.
Bon Voyage, Naz.....keep that part of me safe, OK?
Queen Sana at 6:39 PM
