Ok, so yes, I'm a sellout.

BUT IT WAS MY IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE, BIATCHEEZE!

Er. Ok, never mind, I just can't pull it off.

This is from my old friendster blog, remember the one with the insanely long URL being the reason I switched to Bloggerdom in the first place? VELL, I liked this one and it's becoming more and more relevant, what with the impending arrival of my ultimately uberfab siblings who have, most likely, NOT LOST WEIGHT....I love you, DoorMat and BathMat, BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

So, for your viewing displeasure:

THE FIVE EVIL OLD-PEOPLE TACTICS MY PARENTS USE AS OH SO WITTY EUPHEMISMS FOR "YOU'RE FAT"

It always applies, no matter what I'm saying to them. For ezgample:

Me: Ma, look! A bird!

1. The Direct Method
Ma: You're fat.

2. The Indirect Method
Ma: Yes, its quite a FAT bird, isn't it?

3. The "We're Only Doing Our Duties As Parents" Method
Ma: Hmmph....I bet its parents never told IT to lose weight.

4. The "We're SERIOUSLY Not Shallow, Just Worried About Your Health" Method
Ma: What an ugly fat bird. *pause* And um, just think how unhealthy it is, what with coronary heart disease and birdiabetes being so common nowadays...

5. And This One's So Sad, It Doesn't Even Deserve A Name
Ma: I wonder how its mother will get it married.....*starts mumbling about Shaadi dot com*

Sadly, I kid you not.

THIS IS WHAT I LIVE WITH PEOPLE, THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP!!!!!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go eat some chocolate before they get home from their walk and muss the bed covers so it *looks* like I did my crunches.

Queen Sana at 9:12 AM