"....tell me, what do you do, when it all falls apart?" - The Veronicas, That Bigass Song That Made Them Famous


Yeah, trust ME to couple a serious, I'm-depressed song lyric with a word like Bigass. JUXTAPOSITION, people, I learnt that in English class. (Yiaw, I'M HARDCORE!)

But in all the honesty I can muster........

What DO you do when it all falls apart?

When every fibre of the world you know starts to change? The tapestry of life is such that every thread weaves absolutely perfectly. That is, in essence, the definition of a comfort zone: Where everything is just in place, everything just....fits.

But this whole WEEK....while it hasn't been devastating or hurtful or scary in any way....is just so....WEIRD. I believe I now hold the record for "OHMYGIDDYGODSTROUSERS!" moments in the span of a week.

This new tapestry that's forming, it's odd how everything seems to be moving into place to form a new image. I'm somehow comforted that all these threads that mean so much to me, are not actually breaking: they're just switching places. I'm just not used to the new picture I'm seeing.

To be VAGUE (if it applies to you, you'll know), someone very close is letting herself get hurt and I don't know why, another person very close has gotten herself hooked up (which is extremely odd: she doesn't TALK to guys period), someone else has finally grown a spine and uttered the most unexpected thing, two people have found each other, finally, I'm rediscovering my inner shrink (thank GOD)...

Oh.

And yeah, the whole Jester thing? Jig is up. Finally found out where his "emotionally weird" place was...and totally unexpectedly too.

Long and short of it is, I have to move on, and I'm absolutely fine about it, which may be the ONLY thing that's normal about this week:

My strange, at times disturbing ability to clinically separate my mechanical self from my emotional self. I mean, this is totally me, isn't it? Think logically, think calculatively, come up with quantitative solutions and logical explanations. What's interesting, but a bit sad, is that I can learn something with the potential to hurt me badly...

And then sit down and do a Physics paper.

What's SADDER, is that I'm actually very happy being that way, and quite proud of myself for being able to do that. Ruddy useful skill, it is, too. Does anyone else do this? Completely and totally detach yourself from what's going on inside your head because you have a duty to someone else? Or even yourself?

I refuse to pity myself and screw up my exams on account of something I knew wasn't ever going to happen anyway. Jester isn't worth my self pride.

I NEED you guys to comment on this. Anyone with a weirder week than mine gets the first, and SPECIALEST, prize of having me bitch, whine, and possibly break down to them after the full weight of what happened yesterday (The Jester thing, fools! :) I start getting abusive when I'm confused :P), hits me.

And only if you're close will you understand just how rare that is.

Queen Sana at 6:27 AM