Monday, March 05, 2007
Mars, Listen The Hell Up
Dear Testosterone Wielding, Emotionally Retarded, Sensitivity Zero But Can't Figure Out Why All The Girls Are Pissed At Him Guy,
This is to all of you, because, let's face it. No matter how wonderful or decent or sweet you are, you ALL follow the same damn prototype: you WILL ferry back and forth between prospectives without realizing the effect you have on them, you WILL keep returning to the scene of the crime and keep TALKING about it when all we want to do is heal, you WILL keep asking what's wrong and if we're mad when clearly, we are, and you WILL keep thinking that we're PMSy bitchfaces for BEING angry at you for your hideous mixed signals and misinterpretations.
Well, no more.
I'm not PMSy, boy, do you know what my problem is? It's YOU. It's the fact that I KNOW what a great guy you are, but for some reason, you can't seem to get one thing: we ARE wired differently from you. Now, you could throw that right back in our faces and say, "WELL, YOU could make the effort to understand US better, now couldn't you?". You know why you can't? Because when you're a girl, it starts being real immediately. Not when you say you "love" us, not when you say "it's for real now", not when YOU say bloody anything. It becomes real for us the SECOND we know each other's basest intentions, and here's why: we actually WANT commitment. We know how many of you are commitment phobes, that's why we specially created Skanks for you.
But here's the thing: most of us aren't like that. Please don't assume that if you've been hurt by ONE of us, you'll be hurt by all of us, because that's just plain stupidity. Drop the act, we KNOW you're not Sensitive and New Age. We KNOW you're honest to GOD just manbitching for the sake of it, because again, being guys, you bounce back a LOT faster than we do. Don't use one bad experience as an excuse to hate or mistreat or hurt us all, because that's just you being a jackass.
And as for the mixed signals? No! No! No! Just DON'T! If you're confused yourself, treat us NORMALLY or don't TALK to us at all!!! Learn to LIE a little or cover up your confusion! Honesty isn't ALWAYS the best policy, because no girl likes being told that she's been thought about, processed and found wanting, and then JUST as she's trying to get over it, being told that he's thinking it over AGAIN and *may* change his mind. YOUR confusion adds to OUR confusion and just ends up being this huge mass of uncertainty, and NO one likes that. Being rejected is fine! Being told we're not the right one is fine! BEING LEFT IN THE LURCH? THAT sucks. THAT we can't get over. THAT we can't stomach because you're NOT letting us move on!
Get it straight, we HAVE to coexist and we CAN make this happy, fun, enjoyable and meaningful for BOTH of us. But you have to realize one thing: We're the child bearers, we're the monthly bleeders, we're the kid raisers, and in more than 50 per cent of households, we're at least semi-bread winners. Clearly, we're NOT as sensitive and wussfaced as "BEING A GIRL" connotes.
So is it REALLY asking all that much to be a little CLEAR with what you ACTUALLY WANT?
Authors' Note: Author writes this post on behalf of a close friend, and on behalf of any girl who's been left wondering. Author ALSO has lots of wonderful guy friends, some of whom have been GENUINELY hurt as well. This post is an angry generalization because I seem to be seeing a LOT of this now. And Fool, here's that post you always wanted :) I didn't mention your name, but if I wrote TWO POSTS on ONE DAY, you KNOW you've gotta be special ;)
This is to all of you, because, let's face it. No matter how wonderful or decent or sweet you are, you ALL follow the same damn prototype: you WILL ferry back and forth between prospectives without realizing the effect you have on them, you WILL keep returning to the scene of the crime and keep TALKING about it when all we want to do is heal, you WILL keep asking what's wrong and if we're mad when clearly, we are, and you WILL keep thinking that we're PMSy bitchfaces for BEING angry at you for your hideous mixed signals and misinterpretations.
Well, no more.
I'm not PMSy, boy, do you know what my problem is? It's YOU. It's the fact that I KNOW what a great guy you are, but for some reason, you can't seem to get one thing: we ARE wired differently from you. Now, you could throw that right back in our faces and say, "WELL, YOU could make the effort to understand US better, now couldn't you?". You know why you can't? Because when you're a girl, it starts being real immediately. Not when you say you "love" us, not when you say "it's for real now", not when YOU say bloody anything. It becomes real for us the SECOND we know each other's basest intentions, and here's why: we actually WANT commitment. We know how many of you are commitment phobes, that's why we specially created Skanks for you.
But here's the thing: most of us aren't like that. Please don't assume that if you've been hurt by ONE of us, you'll be hurt by all of us, because that's just plain stupidity. Drop the act, we KNOW you're not Sensitive and New Age. We KNOW you're honest to GOD just manbitching for the sake of it, because again, being guys, you bounce back a LOT faster than we do. Don't use one bad experience as an excuse to hate or mistreat or hurt us all, because that's just you being a jackass.
And as for the mixed signals? No! No! No! Just DON'T! If you're confused yourself, treat us NORMALLY or don't TALK to us at all!!! Learn to LIE a little or cover up your confusion! Honesty isn't ALWAYS the best policy, because no girl likes being told that she's been thought about, processed and found wanting, and then JUST as she's trying to get over it, being told that he's thinking it over AGAIN and *may* change his mind. YOUR confusion adds to OUR confusion and just ends up being this huge mass of uncertainty, and NO one likes that. Being rejected is fine! Being told we're not the right one is fine! BEING LEFT IN THE LURCH? THAT sucks. THAT we can't get over. THAT we can't stomach because you're NOT letting us move on!
Get it straight, we HAVE to coexist and we CAN make this happy, fun, enjoyable and meaningful for BOTH of us. But you have to realize one thing: We're the child bearers, we're the monthly bleeders, we're the kid raisers, and in more than 50 per cent of households, we're at least semi-bread winners. Clearly, we're NOT as sensitive and wussfaced as "BEING A GIRL" connotes.
So is it REALLY asking all that much to be a little CLEAR with what you ACTUALLY WANT?
Authors' Note: Author writes this post on behalf of a close friend, and on behalf of any girl who's been left wondering. Author ALSO has lots of wonderful guy friends, some of whom have been GENUINELY hurt as well. This post is an angry generalization because I seem to be seeing a LOT of this now. And Fool, here's that post you always wanted :) I didn't mention your name, but if I wrote TWO POSTS on ONE DAY, you KNOW you've gotta be special ;)
Queen Sana at 9:28 PM
