I just conducted an orchestra.

No really, an ACTUAL orchestra with actual adult professional musicians.

It was for our choir mistress, because she's normally the conductor, and today she was feeling really sick, so asked me to stand in for her to conduct two ACTUAL concert orchestral pieces.

It was harrowing, and I KINDA messed the first piece up. I maintain it was HARD with the time signature change and then changing back again, but none of them were nasty to me nor did they actually SAY anything, in fact some of them even congratuated me on the mediocre conducting :D

Now, you know what? Under normal circumstances, I'd be DISTRAUGHT and in a shame spiral at this point in time. I HATE being mediocre and just generally not being above-average good at things.

But let's face it, I'm NOT a professional conductor and never will be. I am, in fact, a 17 year old girl who's only ever conducted a small school choir before. See, I've ALWAYS been used to thinking things like this, but they've never actually sunk in until today. I AM a little disappointed, but I'm just saying that, not feeling it.

I think I'm finally starting to properly ACCEPT the fact that I CAN'T do everything and that I don't need to....I just need to quietly shine in my OWN corner at things I KNOW and love, and people aren't judging me. I'm staring to trust that people have their OWN lives, their own problems, and that I should be grateful that my BIGGEST problem is that I'll never become a professional music conductor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm actually REALLY starting to accept and love this new Sana with a slightly less inflated head :) And it feels REALLY good!!!!

(Thanks, Steph :))

Queen Sana at 5:35 PM