Saturday, June 16, 2007
Shaadi Dot What The Feck?
For all of you children not of the Brown, Shaadi.com is the most popular Indian matrimonial site, and it's become our hugest joke, hugest shame, and hugest success story, all in one.
Now, here's the hilarious thing: My post actually doesn't have anything to do with this website, but rather, the ceremony that follows, the marriage itself. I am proud to be part of a culture with such strong marital bonds and such commitment and loyalty. I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage, because I think it's a good way to ensure that you don't get hideous surprises (pregnant girlfriends, syphillis, schizoid mother) when you're well into your married bliss. But still, there do exist certain imperfections with the Indian marriage system as a WHOLE, and so here, for your viewing displeasure:
Things About Indian Weddings That Piss Me Off
- The 600-something randoms that neither me or my husband to be actually KNOWS. I've been to family weddings where there have been over 500 people, and half of them are cousins of uncles of grand nephews, or some other obscure relation. Now, my parents, grandparents and their siblings, people who've WATCHED ME GROW UP, I want at my wedding. Not some total stranger who comes for the free food. IT'S A WEDDING, NOT A FREAKIN' OPEN HOUSE.
- Said 600 randoms taking photos with the happy couple. Who are you KIDDING?! Can you even spell my NAME without looking at the invitation that, for whatever reason, you got?
- The fact that during my cousins' wedding (Which was fab, and I'm thrilled for them), the bride didn't know the words to the songs. THE BRIDE DIDN'T KNOW THE HYMNS BEING SUNG AT HER OWN WEDDING! Over my dead body will they pick some draconian hymn that I neither know nor like to be sung at MY wedding. I shall be in charge of picking my OWN music, thank you very much.
- Fourth cousins paying tribute. I'm sorry, I know this is harsh, but unless you are VERY VERY close to me, I don't WANT you to sing Shania Twain's "From This Moment", especially if you are a GUY! Don't! Just don't! Send me a card, that'll be just fine!
- Grease. God bless the women in my family. They're SO cool and so classy, and don't feel the need to display their healthy, beautiful hair by wrapping it in layers of coconut oil. It makes you look so squicky and uncomfy, and a bit like a rat. I put oil in my hair too, so does everyone in my family. We just don't wear it with pride for a fab night about town.
And a fab night about town it is. I swear, I can't WAIT to eventually find a nice boy and get married, it sounds like so much FUN! :D I realize this is starting to creep you out slightly, so I'll stop it there. Farewell, my precious darlings!
