Sunday, July 15, 2007
I'll Call You Adam
You were really cute, you know.
And you looked the picture of laid-back nonchalance as you played your guitar....it was an air of, not smugness, but confidence. You knew how good you were and with supreme coolness, played the hell out of that thing, upstaging your drummer (typically emo, black hair longer than mine and covering his face in a thick curtain), and the other two guitarists, even though one of them had a cooler guitar than you.
I wish, for all it was worth, that this entry was more flowery, more lovesick, more irrational.
But I'll tell you why it's not.
I'll tell you why my descriptions are crisp and to the point, and not overflowing with infatuation.
It's because I'm the Practical Girl. I always HAVE been the Practical Girl. See, the little kid who was never sold on Santa, who the Easter Bunny never held mystical appeal for, who the Tooth Fairy was, as she knew all along, her mom.....she grew up into a young woman for whom such heavyweight concepts as Love at First Sight and Wild, Exotic Unknown Crushes.........
Are foreign.
Are idiocies.
Are irrational bouts of foolishness to be discouraged.
But sometimes rationality and logic and practicality aren't all that. I realized while watching this guy play that he's the sort of guy that the girls in movies fall madly in love with, stalk, obsess over and ultimately, as ONLY I KNOW BECAUSE I AM THE PRACTICAL GIRL, have their hearts broken by.
I wish I didn't always have to think I have all the answers. I wish I could sometimes be that girl in the movies, who gets the irrational crush and carries on in blind faith. I wish that I didn't always calculate probabilites and discard things as unlikely, impossible, irrational, under the guise of protecting myself from heartbreak.
Because the truth is that I'm NOT running around trying to protect myself from heartbreak, and that's why I never take any risks.
It's because I'm so scared that someone will penetrate my veneer of total and complete independance and show me that my confidence is an utter sham.
And you looked the picture of laid-back nonchalance as you played your guitar....it was an air of, not smugness, but confidence. You knew how good you were and with supreme coolness, played the hell out of that thing, upstaging your drummer (typically emo, black hair longer than mine and covering his face in a thick curtain), and the other two guitarists, even though one of them had a cooler guitar than you.
I wish, for all it was worth, that this entry was more flowery, more lovesick, more irrational.
But I'll tell you why it's not.
I'll tell you why my descriptions are crisp and to the point, and not overflowing with infatuation.
It's because I'm the Practical Girl. I always HAVE been the Practical Girl. See, the little kid who was never sold on Santa, who the Easter Bunny never held mystical appeal for, who the Tooth Fairy was, as she knew all along, her mom.....she grew up into a young woman for whom such heavyweight concepts as Love at First Sight and Wild, Exotic Unknown Crushes.........
Are foreign.
Are idiocies.
Are irrational bouts of foolishness to be discouraged.
But sometimes rationality and logic and practicality aren't all that. I realized while watching this guy play that he's the sort of guy that the girls in movies fall madly in love with, stalk, obsess over and ultimately, as ONLY I KNOW BECAUSE I AM THE PRACTICAL GIRL, have their hearts broken by.
I wish I didn't always have to think I have all the answers. I wish I could sometimes be that girl in the movies, who gets the irrational crush and carries on in blind faith. I wish that I didn't always calculate probabilites and discard things as unlikely, impossible, irrational, under the guise of protecting myself from heartbreak.
Because the truth is that I'm NOT running around trying to protect myself from heartbreak, and that's why I never take any risks.
It's because I'm so scared that someone will penetrate my veneer of total and complete independance and show me that my confidence is an utter sham.
Queen Sana at 3:07 PM
