It's not that I can't let things go, I'm not that pathetic. But there IS one slight I received a very long time ago that I puzzled over for a long, long time. Just thought of that recently.....today, in fact. And it hit me why it upset me. So, I'm going to address this letter today to St. George's School.

Dear Alma Mater,

I hate to admit this....but to an extent, you were right.

Not really though.

But BEFORE I do that, I'd like to dispense some requisite pleasantries. Thank you for some kickass education. Thank you for the Chemistry which may have SAVED my HSC. Thank you for teaching me how to deal with racists, assholes, dumbasses and in general, all people below me. Thank you for teaching me the value of competitiveness. Blah blah blah blah.

Not to be nonchalant or ungrateful......those are pretty important things and I'm glad I learnt them in a place where I didn't have to pay for all my mistakes. Today, however, in this missive, I take aim at a single, solitary letter printed on my leaving certificate.

You remember this, don't you? The C you gave me in Maturity? Yeah. That still hurts when I think about it occasionally, because you thankfully mean significantly less to me now than you did then. I realize now that had my school actually required that document, you might have done me a lot more damage than you did.

I'm not angry anymore.

Then I was. I was very angry and hurt. I CAN monkey around a hell of a lot but at 15 (hell, at 12), I had a pretty solid head on my shoulders and resented you telling me that you'd managed to IGNORE that entire side of me and see ONLY things like Queen Sana, or talking in class, or giggling with Jas.

It's been 2 years since then. Where are you and where am I?

I just won a Citizenship Award, and I'm really happy about it....this means that teachers IN my school voted for me to receive it as a model of virtue or something like that. Maybe they just felt sorry for me, I don't know....but it's something I'm taking and holding very, very dear. I also just finished my last year of high school with a pretty big bang, and made some very good friends of not just my peers, but my teachers as well.

Where are you now, I ask with a bitchy little grin?

A large number of excellent teachers just left. A few more of them are retiring. The quality of your students, I don't know much about, but from what I hear from people STILL attending, it's not what it once was.

In short, SGS, I've done better than you have.

It angers me slightly that I allowed myself to feel so upset and unhappy over that STUPID rating you gave me, coming from a school that for a very long time, did absolutely nothing for me.

It's kind of sad.

I had those few wonderful, wonderful teachers and friends who gave me the education and lessons I carry with me today, but as a school in GENERAL? Nothing quite spectacular, my dears. Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Lessons I would have learned otherwise. Extra workloads I didn't need. Things I did that went totally unacknowledged (thank you, _______________). Opportunities I couldn't get because I wasn't local. I know that's not YOUR fault, but I'm LUMPIN' IT IN ANYWAY.

I'm not sure if I deserve the Citizenship award. I'm thrilled beyond measure that someone thought good enough of me to give it to me. If you knew me at all, you'd realize I rarely do this. Gloat, whinge, blame and in general, bad mouth.

But I guess you didn't ever know me that well, did you?

Sigh. Honour and Labour, eh? Still remember every word of that damn song.....it's a bit of a sad situation where a student looks back on a school and realizes....

That for the most part, she invested a lot more in them than they did in her. I wish you'd had a bit more faith.

Queen Sana at 5:12 PM