I know that it was a fantabulous opportunity for you.

And I'm so happy you took it....what are best friends for, right?

I don't know why it was at that moment that I gave up.

After everything we went through together, being so very close....literally being able to cry on each other's shoulders when bad things happened. Oh, I remember....me with the fight with Jas, me with my problems with my mom and my weight....and you with your guy problems, the debate that I was at, watching you do so well then have it bite you, and the jackass that kept following you.

After shedding NO tears at the prospect of me leaving...and then both of us parting, you sobbing in the car (your mom told me) and me sitting in the bathroom for half an hour doing the same thing. After the beautiful jewellery and the handbag and the photos. After being there on the day Thatha died and after having a tearful photo taken with my grandma, who loved you so much. After you couldn't even come to the airport to see me off because you thought it'd hurt too much.

How did we manage to lose each other, my dearest friend?

How did we manage to not stay in touch?

I tried....I honestly did....but much as I love you, you were always lousy at keeping in touch. In person, when I could always see you, you were always there for me and I was always there for you. I guess it helped, living so close and going to the same tuitions and the same school and having our own little dumb rituals (popiah, Milo, walking home) that kept us together through the two years we weren't in the same class and later, not even the same school.

I guess it just hit me now that.....while it would have been brilliant to keep in touch, we're just not the sort of friends that can survive distance like that. I think we NEEDED those dumb little rituals and those shared problems to remind us of why we loved each other so much.

And without them.....emails and messages and facebook wall posts just lost their meaning, somehow. I think you needed to see my face when I said them, and actually read INTO it in order to really understand....as did I.

And I have to say I miss you.....so very much, and I'm so proud of the way things have worked out for you. And I know that had you been physically close to me during these hellish exams, you would have been EVERY ASPECT of the support system that I needed: the affirmer, the straight talker, the food provider, the encourager, the brutally honest advisor, the sugar coater, the spirit builder, the faith booster, the everything.

Anyway.

I guess that's a chapter, a beautiful chapter, in both our lives. I am so thankful to have had you in my life....past tense because let's face it, neither of us holds quite the place in each others' lives as we used to.

I guess all I really want to say is, Happy Birthday....

Queen Sana at 11:11 PM