Are the reason I no longer believe.

Read this, my Christian friends, and join me in a nice, collective VOMIT.

I HATE FUNDAMENTALIST MORONS WHO ABUSE THE NAME OF MY CHRIST LIKE THIS.

Bloody IDIOTS, do you think Jesus would approve of such BLATANT stupidity!??!?!

YES, I AM ANGRY.

Heath Ledger was probably not a perfect person. But to RAISE A RUCKUS at the man's MEMORIAL services because he portrayed a gay character?!

HOW NARROWMINDED AND F-ING STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE!?

No WONDER the world makes fun of Christians. They're scared of Muslims, wary of Jews and confused by Buddhists and Hindus. But they MOCK us because we claim to be so VERY holy and righteous, and AFTER PULLING SUCH MORALLY UNSOUND STUNTS, we try to tell the rest of the world how to live their lives.

I don't CARE if every religion has it's hypocrisies!!! As Christians, there's only ONE person we're meant to be following, and that's CHRIST.

I'm so tired of people who claim Christlikeness and then pull shit like this.

I'm obviously not Christlike yet. But I DON'T CLAIM TO BE, and Lord knows, I'm TRYING.

I just get so angry sometimes. People like this make me angry first, and then hopelessly sad later. Hopelessly, bitterly sad for the once proud Christian I used to be.

Christ, please, heal your church. Hopefully before someone else's heart gets broken by the pointless, petty spitefulness of some of its actions.

EDIT: While I was time-wasting browsing on Wiki, I discovered this (read the Public Reaction and the Aftermath section).....and I wept.

That is all.

Queen Sana at 8:10 PM
2 comments

I wonder why I don't write anymore.

I remember that my writing used to be such a big part of me. I used to walk around school composing poems in my head...voicing them out loud so I knew what the words sounded like in rhythmic combination and metre, basically looking like I was talking to myself.

I'd spend every free period that Cikgu Masni gave us (Sivik), just writing poetry. In this old notebook I had, I used to just jot down an idea and then start writing.

I wrote at the gym, on the treadmill (She Means Nothing To You), at church camp (The Pink Angel), conceived ideas in church and RAN home to write them (The Greatest Treasure), woke up at 12 am because I'd had an idea (tons of them, actually)...

And remember that one time in F1, when I wrote a poem during an exam and was stupid enough to PASS IT AROUND....and Mr. Sim caught me, read it, smiled a little then tried to put on his Stern voice? Hahaha, everyone loves a tiny 10 year old writing about racism and child abuse, eh?

I think that's how my poetry developed.

People who wrote poems were smart and deep and what not....and it wasn't too difficult to make things rhyme, so why not? Why not grab some attention for my seeking heart and show everyone how cleverly I was?

I wonder when that started to fall away.

My last poem was about Sarah, this girl I knew who stripped at a party with no shame whatsoever. That was two months ago. Apparently, I can still make things rhyme.

Why don't I want to anymore?

I still get inspired, I suppose....but I blog about those things now, and even that is slowly tapering off.

I'm a lot more popular and social and happy and accepted now, and I'm going places in life with my newly discovered potential.

But part of me wishes I was still the fat lonely kid with the beautiful words running through her soul.

I just don't hear the music anymore...and I wish I could reconnect with that kid somehow and ask her why she's being so quiet.

Queen Sana at 9:59 PM
2 comments

It's just that I'm having a lot of trouble putting all the stuff going on in my life into words.

So instead, I'll steal an idea from Lu Wee and try bulleting my awesome list of:

Fings Going On In The Life Of The Matmat

- I have recently started converting my Ths into Fs or Vs, don't ask why.

- Things've been getting worse with my dad and see no way of working out...unless of course he comes to me crying and apologizes. Which is never going to happen given that he can never understand why he's wrong in the first place. Not that he tries to anyway.

- I'm having SERIOUS worries about accomodation at Uni! UNFORCH, being a dumbass, I applied late...so I'm basically gonna have to cross my fingers and hope that tons of people get rejected. I mean, whaat?

- Some lucky moron must be feeling the same way about Melbourne University....I applied there for their (number 1 in Au) Med Course and didn't make it. Kiss my 98.55 scoring ass, Melbourne.

- Vulnerability is, from what I've deduced, ridiculously attractive to members of the Male species. I'd rather be me: intimidating, opinionated and strong willed, as opposed to some sweet and non-threatening "lady". I'm no "lady" and I'm proud.

- I have a lot of pride. I'm not sure if it's a good thing. But I'm keeping it.

- University scares me...really badly, too. All this stuff, I'm not used to making decisions that could potentially affect the rest of my life, and it's really frightening.

- God is unfortunately silent. I've decided to continue waiting it out.

Queen Sana at 10:17 AM
3 comments

Why antithesis? I just read Steph's latest post is all.

This one's dedicated to MY dad.

So mom told me today that there was an actual REASON for the stupid, callous and hurtful comment you made the other day. My question is, could you not have told ME that?!

Is it because you think I'm stupid? Or do you THINK about what you want to say and then decide to hurt me?

I am not, at the moment, conversing with my father.

It hurts a bit to know that while mom and I are repairing our relationship, and I'll miss her.....

I won't miss you.

I won't. And I refuse to.

So go ahead, lah. Go ahead. Keep on doing exactly what you're doing.

Queen Sana at 9:15 AM
0 comments