Saturday, April 12, 2008
But The View Was So Pretty.
So yesterday, I went on a cruise along Sydney harbour.
I know how naive and stupid I'm going to come off sounding, but I don't think I will ever get used to or feel totally comfortable in large groups of drunk people.
You know what, guys?
One thing that thrills me beyond all reasonable measure is when someone from my past tells me I haven't changed at all.
I may look a little different, now that I've lost weight and know how to use a straightener and have started *groans* wearing sneakers (they are disgustingly comfy)...but I'd like to think I'm still fundamentally the same person.
Yeah, I wonder about that now.
Is it really such a good thing that my morals, values, ideals and principles have barely changed since I was 14?
Is it really so admirable that my views of sex, drugs, alcohol and promiscuity are based on a child's point of reference?
Is it really so damn great that I can't actually EXPLAIN any more why I find such things abhorrent?
Sigh.
I don't know if I'm crazy or if everyone else is....because when I look at gatherings like this, being a PART of them but apart from them, I feel so freaking awkward. You ask me why I'm not drinking?! Look around you!
It is now a month and a week until I turn 18.
The age where I can no longer hide from my own childishness: the age where I'll finally be allowed to drink as much as I want and not have the law to protect me from my own fear of the world around me. I'll only have myself and my own ideals, and they need to be stronger than a weak, "But but but I just don't want to."
All I've got now, though, is a mixture of pity and revulsion and distrust when I look at people who are drunk and making idiots of themselves, and a strong conviction to not do that to myself.
I will tell you this, though...Sydney Harbour by night?
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
And I'll bet you whatever you want, my friends, that it's only that beautiful in focus.
Author's Note: No, I don't think drinking in itself is wrong. I think being drunk and disorderly is. I see no problem in drinking around a bunch of your friends, who already know you well enough to not judge you, and who know your and their own limits. I think there's a smart way to do it.
Drinking excessively around a huge group of potentially opportunistic strangers? Yeaah, not so much.
I know how naive and stupid I'm going to come off sounding, but I don't think I will ever get used to or feel totally comfortable in large groups of drunk people.
You know what, guys?
One thing that thrills me beyond all reasonable measure is when someone from my past tells me I haven't changed at all.
I may look a little different, now that I've lost weight and know how to use a straightener and have started *groans* wearing sneakers (they are disgustingly comfy)...but I'd like to think I'm still fundamentally the same person.
Yeah, I wonder about that now.
Is it really such a good thing that my morals, values, ideals and principles have barely changed since I was 14?
Is it really so admirable that my views of sex, drugs, alcohol and promiscuity are based on a child's point of reference?
Is it really so damn great that I can't actually EXPLAIN any more why I find such things abhorrent?
Sigh.
I don't know if I'm crazy or if everyone else is....because when I look at gatherings like this, being a PART of them but apart from them, I feel so freaking awkward. You ask me why I'm not drinking?! Look around you!
It is now a month and a week until I turn 18.
The age where I can no longer hide from my own childishness: the age where I'll finally be allowed to drink as much as I want and not have the law to protect me from my own fear of the world around me. I'll only have myself and my own ideals, and they need to be stronger than a weak, "But but but I just don't want to."
All I've got now, though, is a mixture of pity and revulsion and distrust when I look at people who are drunk and making idiots of themselves, and a strong conviction to not do that to myself.
I will tell you this, though...Sydney Harbour by night?
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
And I'll bet you whatever you want, my friends, that it's only that beautiful in focus.
Author's Note: No, I don't think drinking in itself is wrong. I think being drunk and disorderly is. I see no problem in drinking around a bunch of your friends, who already know you well enough to not judge you, and who know your and their own limits. I think there's a smart way to do it.
Drinking excessively around a huge group of potentially opportunistic strangers? Yeaah, not so much.
Queen Sana at 12:03 AM
